goodbye... forever

by - June 11, 2017

Last night I erased your number from my phone.

Sometimes I'm ok when I talk about it, because life goes on. But sometimes when I think about you, the memories choke my throat and prick my eyes. Sometimes I will feel completely fine, but then suddenly I will really miss you, and your voice. Like tonight - a bout of sadness is shrouding me again. And I wonder how long I will feel this way. I wonder how long the grieving process takes...

It's hard thinking about life without you. But the hardest part was seeing you alive and suffering, and frail and weak. I will slowly try to forget those last memories of you, because they were the most painful and you wouldn't want us to remember you like that.

Sometimes I replay that video of you singing Happy Birthday out of tune, because that's the only recording I have of your voice, and I never want to forget how it sounds.

I hope it's nice up there, because it still feels strange and empty without you down here...

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